So here’s a brain-teaser: How do you convince Windows to stop treating your 15-year-old relic like it’s auditioning for a role in a snail race? My fossil of a PC is practically begging for mercy under the weight of modern Windows and all its eye-candy nonsense. I’ve already liberated it from the clutches of pointless animations and unnecessary background apps, but it still sputters like it’s powered by hamsters on a wheel.
Is there any secret recipe—aside from sacrificing a USB stick to the tech gods—that can make Windows run more efficiently on an ancient machine? Or should I embrace the inevitable fate where every boot-up feels like a journey through a time warp? Any tips, tricks, or miracle tweaks are welcome before I resort to painting “Antique” on the side of my computer.