Was My PC Haunted, Or Does Windows Just Hate Me?
So, picture this: it’s a Saturday, the sun is shining, and I’m living the dream-about to play a “quick” few hours of games before my inbox ruins my day again. I boot up my Windows 11 laptop (2022 model, nothing ancient), and BAM. Black screen after the login splash. Like, nothing except my mouse icon, which floats around as if mocking me for thinking I’d be productive. Task Manager (Ctrl+Shift+Esc) sometimes kinda opens, but then it hangs out in the void, not helping at all.
Let the Googling Begin
Naturally, I fall down the rabbit hole of Microsoft forums and the usual Reddit tech savants. Apparently, I’m supposed to:
- Try Ctrl+Alt+Del and start Explorer.exe.
- Boot into Safe Mode and uninstall the latest Windows update.
- Update the graphics drivers, because everything is always the GPU’s fault, right?
- Run SFC /scannow and pray.
Tried them all. Explorer.exe just spins and vanishes like a ninja. Safe Mode works, but then whatever I change makes no difference. I can’t update drivers because, surprise, Device Manager won’t open on this black screen of doom. SFC /scannow cheerfully tells me everything’s fine, which is the Windows equivalent of “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Wasn’t expecting to actually see my desktop ever again at this point.
What Finally Worked (You’ll Love This)
After wasting hours spiraling through vague support posts, I find a random comment from someone named “PrinterGuy1992” (shoutout, wherever you are): It’s fast startup. Apparently, Windows can boot up so “awesomely fast” that it sometimes forgets to load, you know, the desktop.
So with a ton of hope and a little spite:
- Boot into Safe Mode.
- Go to Control Panel > Power Options > “Choose what the power buttons do”.
- Click “Change settings that are currently unavailable.”
- UNCHECK “Turn on fast startup (recommended)”.
- Reboot.
Lo and behold, the desktop returns. All the icons, even the embarrassing ones you hope nobody notices in a screenshot.
Takeaways (because no weekend should be wasted this way):
- Don’t underestimate the weirdness of “Fast Startup”. It’s meant to save seconds but can eat hours of your life if something hiccups.
- Task Manager won’t always save you.
- If you reach a weird black screen after login, try toggling seemingly random power settings. Windows sometimes needs a gentle reminder to behave.
- And whatever you do, always keep a working USB recovery drive around-Windows Recovery was the only consistent thing that functioned through all of this.
The real lesson: If Bill Gates never has these problems, I want his laptop.
